I am a jerk! — I Still Don't Know What I'm Doing

When I returned home after that vacation, I had a bad taste for Mexico but I wasn’t deterred from my goal. I was going to solo that race no matter what! I wasn’t going to let some thieves scare me away. I also wasn’t going to let my lack of money scare me away. Yeah, that's right, I really couldn’t afford to go do something like that at that time in my life. I owned the bike but that is just the beginning of the expenses for a race like the 1000. I still had to pay for entry, pits, food, spare parts, hotels and a boatload of miscellaneous stuff that I never expected.

So I began to “save” money. What that meant at that time of my life was that I began buying parts and putting things on my credit card. Quite the opposite of actually saving I know. Like I said, I have made and continue to make big mistakes. Then the next big news though was that in December of 2005 we found out that Ruth was pregnant with our first boy. Super awesome news for sure but when we did the math we figured that he would be about 3 months old when I was leaving to race in Mexico.

I remember the discussion vividly. We came to the realization and Ruth looked at me with eyes that defied explanation. There was a mix of disappointment, and hope that I would postpone my adventure and take care of my family instead of launching off into my selfishness. Nope, I looked at Ruth and said: “I’m still racing the 1000.” In classic “early relationship Ruth” fashion she quietly said “ok.” And in classic “early relationship Morgan” fashion I went right on spending money and moving toward my goal. I didn’t see anything wrong with sacrificing my family for my goal. Really mature Morgan.

As we all know now, things worked out for the best with all of this but I can say for sure that decision is probably what really started sending Ruth and me down a nasty spiral for our relationship. It was the first really big move I made to put my stuff ahead of everything and it ended up hurting us in ways that I could not have foreseen at the time. In my mind, I was just living out my dream. I was so selfish that I didn’t even see what was happening. As a guy who has been through hell and back, I have a recommendation for you if you are like me. PAY ATTENTION to the small things your spouse says and does! It will make a huge difference down the line. I can also recommend bringing God into your relationship too. He is the only one who could fix our problems. It took quite a few more years and a lot more mistakes before we realized that so maybe someone out there can learn from my missteps instead of their own.

Gotta keep this one short because I am sick and already behind schedule. Hope you enjoyed it even though it's not the happiest post but that is life right? At least that's my life. It's good and bad and I want to talk about all of it. If you have anything you want to share, comment below and as always, give this a like or a share if you are inclined.

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